Hallmark are one of the worlds largest distributors of holiday and greetings cards across the globe. In 2010 their cards circulated around 100 countries, 49,000 cards were available to buy at any given time and 5 billion cards were purchased, collecting a revenue of $4.1 billion.
Hallmark have a card specifically designed and executed to portray everything we want to say.
However, they do not cater to everything we don’t want to say. Yes there are a multitude of “Get well soon”s and “Happy birthday”s, but I’d like a card to do the talking for me when it’s simply too awkward to do so myself.
So, here you are. My top 5 cards you won’t see on a hallmark stand.
1. “Sorry I gave you Chlamydia”
Nobody wants to call their one night stand and awkwardly have the “I gave you the clap” talk. Its only fair after you transmit an STI to someone that you tell them and everyone loves getting post? Right???
2. “Sorry I killed your cat”
The awkward moment when you run over your neighbour’s cat, have to carry its limp body into them, destroying their children’s hope in humanity and ripping the family apart. Hallmark shows you care <3
3. “Sorry I slept with your brother”
This can be so very awkward to say face to face.
4. “I’m Pregnant”
A joyous occasion for many happy couples, however I am 21 and only seeing my boyfriend 6 months, so this card could get me out of the initial crying, “why me”, “Is there a God?” and “Are you sure its mine?” talks.
5. “It’s not you, It’s me”
Hopefully a card you won’t receive after the “I’m Pregnant” card arrives at your other halves door. Dumping someone is one of the hardest things to do. This cute little card can take the edge off it and allow your partner to come to terms with the fact before the talk. Much prettier than a text and less dramatic than making a scene down your local.